my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
