i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
