i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
false alarm. still invincible.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
