I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
