sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
