how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
