either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
