Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
