alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
