I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
