So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
