I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
