covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
