he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
