I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
