Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
