I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
