I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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