I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
