I'm so fucking centered right now
I have demons in me.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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