I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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