Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
