It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
