a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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