i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
