I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
