Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Randomize
