First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
