i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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