The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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