Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
