she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
