i will never coherently bang her
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
