mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
