I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
