ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
