Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I can't turn off my feet"
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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