Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Come share oat with me in your robe
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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