he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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