OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
