haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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