I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
