Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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