I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
