dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
