I hate your face
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
