I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
