she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
