i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
