He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
