I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
