I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
do nipples grow back?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
