don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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