I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Edward fifth and chaser hands
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
