She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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