Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
