Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
