he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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