you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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