why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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