i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
