I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
