He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
